Business Team Building: Recognizing How Ego and Spirit Show Up

So there I am in a meeting room with George and five members of his team. George had invited me to sit in on a meeting and evaluate what was happening. He said the team was unable to pull in the same direction. As their leader, accountable for their performance, Fred was at his wits end.

What I saw was in the next hour was something that I had seen countless times, in countless meeting rooms, literally around the globe. And, as always, it saddened me. I saw how George’s ego began to run the meeting. And the moment he did this, the team shut down, responding only when necessary and paying lip service to everything that George said. This enraged George’s ego causing him to sound even more patronizing, demeaning and self-righteous. I looked around the room and saw a carefully selected, highly talented group of people, all wasting their time and talent on being self-protective, defensive, engaging in avoidance and denial, trying to control their negative emotions and working hard to cope with their leader’s ego. With all this emotion going on inside of them, they soon reached a point where they were unable to think and dialogue intelligently and innovatively.

George probably does not do this deliberately –he is just out of touch with how his ego comes across and the impact this has on his team’s performance. Having worked with hundreds, perhaps thousands, of leaders like George, I know that he is out of touch, and will always be out of touch about himself, because people with ego in the driver’s seat do not like to look at themselves as possibly being a part of the problem. They also never ask for feedback from others. So how can his team make George aware of what he is doing so that they can empower themselves to begin to pull together and deliver great results?

It is two weeks later. So there I am, in the same organization, this time in a meeting with Dave and his team. Dave invited me to attend the meeting because, although he had scored exceptionally well on the employee survey, there was one aspect of his style that people found difficult to understand. He asked me to watch him in action and help him recognize what he is doing so that he can adjust this. This told me a great deal about the kind of open, self-aware leader Dave is.

Everyone in the room was excited and eager to begin. I was immediately struck by the contrast between the level of energy and enthusiasm in this meeting as compared with George’s meeting. Dave set the stage for the meeting by saying; ‘I am interested in every possible way of seeing this opportunity. Challenge me, challenge each other and let’s come up with a solution that will knock the customer’s socks off! And remember to keep an open mind. I want a 360 degree view folks!”

The spirited debate that followed was astonishing. I could feel the rush of my own adrenalin, as I listened to and watched the courageous, authentic interaction between the team members. Each team member boldly expressed his opinions and feelings. Each person presented a strong argument to motivate their point of view. They quoted statistics and innovative trends they had gleaned from the latest literature they had read and the conferences they had attended. And they continually made reference to the company’s vision, which they used as their guiding light for ideas and decisions. Their innovative thinking expanded by the minute, as they piggy-backed on the creative input of each other.

It struck me that despite the fact that their dialogue was fast and furious, honest and confronting, nobody became defensive or offended. Without the interference of ego, they were able to suspend judgment, truly listen to each other, assimilate multiple realities, experience ‘aha’ moments, unify polarities and make 1+1=3. Another notable difference between this meeting and the last was that there was a lot of laughter in this team. They were actually having fun, breaking out of the current models and bending the rules or making new ones. They were enjoying playing with all kinds of way-out possibilities that would transform their customer service.

The expression on Dave’s face was one of pride. It was evident that he valued his team members and their input. And that they could feel this, which inspired them to up the ante and look for the absolute greatest solution. Oh, and about that behavior that some people did not ‘get’ about Dave - it turned out to be Dave’s spirited refusal to settle for a second best solution.

How many spirited characteristics and ego characteristics does your team have?

How many spirited characteristics and ego characteristics does your team have?

Spirited Characteristics

We:

1. Have a sense of humour
2. Are driven by a meaningful shared vision
3. Engage in spirited dialogue in meetings
4. Boldly challenge the status quo
5. Focus on the positives
6. Seek a broader view
7. Are visibly enthusiastic and energized
8. Communicate authentically without fear
9. Explore and incorporate multiple realities
10. Show personal and team humility

Ego Characteristics

We:

1. Behave defensively
2. Are in denial about critical issues
3. Avoiding the ‘elephant in the room’
4. Avoid confrontation
5. Resist change
6. Feel anxious and stressed
7. Are low in energy and enthusiasm
8. Stuck with only one reality – our own
9. Slow to make and implement decisions
10. Pretend to be a team but act as individuals